Monthly Archives: November 2014

First weekend with the Naiad

The Naiad stayed all weekend.  It was really fun, the three of us just lounging around the den, playing video games and talking.  She’s very sweet.  Even MIL really likes her, and said so to my best friend (who usually gets the unvarnished truths and not the polite comments she gives me).  There were also a lot of sexytimes for the Valkyrie and Naiad, some of which was done in front of me (much to my delight).

I had a couple of small freakouts, but the Naiad was not phased in the slightest.  The Valkyrie got upset at something (for good reason) and again N was fine.  And V and I had a minor quibble and N was shocked that that’s the extent of V’s and my arguing.  She’s used to lots of screaming and drama.  It was kind of sad, how very grateful she is for every little kindness we show her.  I used to be like that, after four years with my abusive ex.  Poor girl.  She’s this weird combination of brassy no-nonsense intellectual who can tear apart any argument, and scared naive girl.  I just want to hug her forever.

Sexytimes!  The Naiad apparently fancies me a little.  I’m not sure what to do about it.  I can’t have sex without a shirt on because of dysphoria, and I’m not sure what I want to do with/to/for her.  So I’m happy just watching them play around, for now.  They’re very, very sexy together.  Two pretty trans girls, both of whom are very kinky and like showing off.  Oh, poor me, having to be around them.  Hahaha.  Although Saturday I felt like crap for a little while, and I fell asleep next to the two of them when they were getting it on.  Very sad.

I had to drive N home at 5:30 this morning.  I am so tired.  And I probably gained 5 pounds today because of that damn Russell Stover outlet I posted about earlier.  I want to sleep, but I still have to go back out to the pharmacy.  *yawn*

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Posted by on Monday, November 24, 2014 in naiad, sex, valkyrie


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Russell Stover is the devil

Heads up to people traveling through central Florida: the Russell Stover outlet store, where the north end of the turnpike meets I-75 in Wildwood, has the best motherfucking fudge I have ever eaten in my life.  For $12 you can get 6 pieces, which adds up to a pound and a half.  I tried the praline, the peanut butter, and the maple walnut, and holy crap my mouth had so many foodorgasms that I wanted to drive back and eat the whole damn case.  They have about a dozen flavors, ranging from the standard chocolate to things like caramel apple pie and pumpkin.  It is all amazing.  So don’t go there.  Your waistline will not thank you.

(They also have all the RS and Whitmans candies cheap, including 3-pound boxes of “bloopers” — normal chocolates that came out slightly misshapen — for like $8.  EVIL.  EVIL, I tell you.  Yeah, it’s not handmade Belgian chocolate, but it’s still chocolate.)

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Posted by on Monday, November 24, 2014 in random updates


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Future outlook and a busy day

I am very concerned about fulfilling my desire to become a clinical social worker.  For years I’ve kept hoping my mental states will get more stable as time goes on.  They haven’t.  The problems have gotten much less extreme, but on a day to day basis I cannot maintain a balanced state with any consistency. I’m assuming that this will not change.  It’s been 14 fucking years.  It gotten much better in intensity, but not in the variability.  If I can’t be stable enough to focus on clients for a set period of hours every day, I can’t get a job as a therapist.  Hell, I can’t get through grad school that way because of all the clinic hours required.

It could be that there are things I can do to mitigate the problem.  That’s why I want to talk to my therapist.  The Valkyrie also suggested I talk to her about how utterly weary I am of being mentally ill, about how I’m giving up on myself more easily lately.  Maybe this way of thinking about my career is part of the giving up.  I don’t know.  So I have an appointment Tuesday afternoon.  I hope it helps.

Today I was exhausted in general.  At night I can’t fall asleep until two or so, and I’ve had to be up by 8:00 every day this week.  Yeah, plenty of functional adults do way more than I do on way less sleep.  But I am not functional, as much as I wish I was.  So I’m worn out from going to Orlando to have lunch with the Naiad, seeing my psychiatrist, and running errands.  I left the house at 9:30 and got home at 6:00… maybe I do deserve to be tired.  I don’t know.

The Valkyrie met my psychiatrist today.  V was seeing her for anxiety, so it was a double session.  Which was awesome, I love my doc and was happy to hang out for a bit.  They got along really well too.  Before that we had lunch at Sonny’s with the Naiad and went to Sci Fi City (awesome gaming/comics shop).  Not a bad day.  Just a long one.

I’m hoping I can get to sleep early tonight, or sleep in tomorrow.  Thankfully I don’t have to be anywhere until after noon…


Posted by on Wednesday, November 19, 2014 in brain fun, school


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Gynecologist’s office update

Just spoke to the office manager at my gynecologist’s office.  I told her about yesterday’s conversation and…  she didn’t say anything at all negative about the woman (who, it turns out, is the triage nurse), but she did sound completely unsurprised.  I got an “oh boy” and a resigned sort of sigh.  I don’t think this is the first time she’s heard a complaint against this particular employee.  The nurse will be spoken with, and the manager will talk to the doctor about it (and my hysto questions).  I should get a call back tomorrow.  The manager was extremely nice and I’m glad I had the guts to make the complaint.  Now I hope I never, ever have to talk to the nurse again.  Ever.  I hate confrontations, even polite ones.

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Posted by on Tuesday, November 18, 2014 in health


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Handspun sweater: decisions made

My MIL asked me what I want for Giftmas.

“Night Sky” BFL wool from FatCatKnits

Enough for this pattern in my size, plus a little extra in case my estimations are wrong:

Slade by Michele Wang

Slade by Michele Wang

I think it will be an epic sweater.

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Posted by on Monday, November 17, 2014 in knitting, spinning


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Second date!

I didn’t get much sleep because of driving the Naiad home at 5:30 this morning (*yawn*), and I was sick this weekend, but yesterday and this morning were awesome.  The Naiad spent the night in the guest apartment with the Valkyrie, although the three of us hung out a bunch too.  She is SO NICE.  And she’s coming out of an abusive relationship and is so timid and I want to scoop her up and save her from the universe.  And then shower her with presents because she has a beautiful smile and she deserves happiness.  She’s totes adorbs.  And I think she may be smarter than me, which is slightly intimidating but also makes her more interesting.  She has a razor-sharp wit and a scientific mind and I maybe have a little bit of a crush on her myself. *blush*

My MIL is a little confused about the whole thing.  She keeps asking me if I’m okay with it, and this morning I was all, “They’re just so CUTE together!” and she did the confused head tilt.  But she loves rescuing strays, be they people or kittens, and she wants the Naiad to be safe and happy, although she says that if the V&N relationship ever starts breaking my heart they’re dead women.  MIL is very protective of me and loves me like I’m her own, which is really sweet and I’m grateful for it.  But I suspect everything is going to work out well, considering that MIL is nagging her to get out of her current situation and come live with us immediately.  (The Naiad is remaining in her emotionally abusive ex’s home until January when the ex can afford child care, which is honorable but dangerous to N’s mental health.  She works from home, so she minds the kids before and after school.)

I have homework to do.  Later, internets!

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Posted by on Monday, November 17, 2014 in family, naiad, valkyrie


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Achievement unlocked: 3-ply yarn

I made sweater yarn!

Potash BFL 3-ply

The sweater won’t be this color, but I am absolutely delighted to find that three of my “default” singles, spun worsted style, make a perfect 3-ply light worsted weight yarn that is to motherfucking die for.  (“Worsted” in knitting-speak is a yarn thickness.  “Worsted” in spinning-speak is a description of the yarn’s construction.  Confusing, I know.)  It’s BFL wool, smooth but squishy and with excellent stitch definition, and holy mother of god the sweater I’m planning will be the comfiest thing ever if I can get gauge on just the right pattern.

I overplied it a bit to make it wear better.  I’m going to knit up a swatch and stick it in my pants pockets for a week to see if it pills much or, worse, falls apart.  Probably not, because it’s BFL, but I wanna make sure it’ll be okay before I spin a sweater quantity of yarn.  It’s not so much the wasted effort I care about, because spinning is fun, but the wasted money would piss me off forever.  That swatch is going to go through hell before I buy any wool for a sweater.  When I hand wash it (a few times) I’m going to be a little rough (not felting levels of rough, just not being very gentle).  And before that, when I wash the yarn I’m going to full it a little to make sure it’s even harder-wearing.

I won’t be doing this until after Giftmas, but it doesn’t hurt to start looking at patterns and thinking about colors, right?  I want a cardigan.  V-neck.  Not raglan shoulders.  I need to think about colors, too.  Hmmm….

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Posted by on Monday, November 17, 2014 in knitting, spinning


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